For the past 11 months and 23 days I have been emphatically anti-birthday. I absolutely refuse to turn 30. It cant really be possible that I have been on this earth for 30 years. How can that be? I dont know the answer to that but I do know that I have and no matter how hard I drag my feet May 7, 2014 will mark my 30th year here on Earth. I watched Nick turn 30 and nothing happened, nothing changed. He remained the same person he was prior to the 30 year mark. In fact, no one I know has ever instantly changed upon becoming 30. So why am I so afraid of it?
As I drove around this morning I though about it. I reflected on my life, where I have been, people I have known, the different stages and hair colors. There have been really good times and some really horrible. I have seen and done so many things. When I actually stopped to think about it, being 30 isnt a bad thing at all. It actually might be a good thing.
I think back to when I was 17. I remember stepping out of the shower one day and looking in the mirror. I hated the person I saw looking back at me. Even at 100 lbs I was too fat. I looked like an alien since I had shaved off my eyebrows. I had too many freckles. One of my nostrils is bigger than the other. The list went on and on. I spent my late teen years and early 20’s trying to be the person I thought I wanted to be. I went through several very interesting phases and even more interesting fashion statements. No matter what I was wearing, what color my hair was, I still didnt like me.
Here we are, back at 30. When I look at myself now, I smile. I might be too fat. I still have to draw my eyebrows on. I have even more freckles and my nostrils still are mismatched. All of that, is just fine and dandy by me. It took me 30 years to realize that loving and accepting myself wasnt about how I look. Its not about what clothes I wear, how much make up I have on or what color my hair is. Loving yourself comes from somewhere deep within your soul. To have finally arrived at a place in life where I can look at myself and be happy is worth everything that I have experienced on the journey. And what a journey is has been!
It is said that wisdom comes with age and I believe that to be true. The passing of time teaches us things that we wouldnt be able to comprehend otherwise. A younger me never could have imagined a time when I would be at peace with who I have become. Loving my mind, body and soul. All of lifes lessons, all of the fashion statements, the assortment of hair colors, have led me here, to 30 and you better believe that I am going to own it! I realize now 30 is not “getting old”, its a milestone in life that says Ive been there, done that and conquered it.
In the words of Mama Ru ” If you cant love yourself, how the hell are you going to love someone else?” – Can I get an Amen?!
I will wear 30 like shiny badge of honor, because after all, the road here wasnt an easy one and Ive earned those stripes.